|Today's Dosage of Bill's Pills (Updated each weekday)
Thursday, Apr 18
In spite of the extensive damage to Notre Dame Cathedral, firefighters were able to save some of the
Catholic Church’s most cherished items: revered holy relics, priceless works of art… *** …and the
wicker baskets that collect the Sunday offering.
Wednesday, Apr 17
In the wake of the extensive fire damage to the Notre Dame Cathedral, leaders around the world are
offering assistance: The president of the Czech Republic has offered experts who restored the
Prague Castle, officials in Greece have offered technicians experienced in the restoration of Greek
monuments … *** …and, if they’ll give him naming rights, President Trump has offered to turn it into a
Tuesday, Apr 16
In an effort to eradicate invasive pythons in Florida, scientists are putting tracking devices on male
snakes to lead them to the females. *** Dating is probably a bit awkward when you have to make sure your
new boyfriend isn’t being followed.
Monday, Apr 15
Delta Airlines is reducing the amount seats can recline on selected aircraft because some
passengers are apparently uncomfortable with the intrusion into their “personal space.” ***
Unfortunately, Delta was not able to resolve their concerns through professional counseling at the departure gate.
Friday, Apr 12
Former Pope Benedict XVI has broken his silence on the sex abuse crisis and says it was partially
caused by the sexual revolution of the 1960’s. *** I knew it was a bad idea to send all those priests to
Thursday, Apr 11
A man who had just gotten out of a Florida jail was arrested for breaking into cars in the jail’s parking
lot. *** He was charged with three counts of stupidity.
Wednesday, Apr 10
A woman in Dubai is facing jail time for a Facebook post in which she referred to her ex-husband’s
new wife as a horse. *** Well, at the wedding, when the minister asked, “Do you take this man…?” the bride
stomped her foot three times.
Tuesday, Apr 9
A fashion store named “Forever 21” has launched a line of clothes that look like U.S. Postal Service
uniforms. *** It’s a very cool look…if you don’t mind strangers stopping you on the street and demanding to
know why their mail is late.
Monday, Apr 8
As he nears the end of his prison sentence, Anthony Weiner—the disgraced former congressman—
has been designated a “Level 1” sex offender, which means he must register as a sex offender for
the next 20 years. *** Well, he got off easy – at Level 2 he would have had many more restrictions, and at
Level 3 they would have welded his zipper shut.
Friday, Apr 5
A woman with two Chinese passports managed to sneak through security at Mar-A-Lago with four cell
phones, a laptop, a hard drive and a thumb drive containing computer malware, but President Trump
said he’s “not concerned at all.” *** Well, you know, it’s not like she was a Democrat.
Thursday, Apr 4
A Taco Bell manager in Portland, Oregon, who was caught assaulting and screaming at a pregnant
worker, has been ordered to perform 100 hours of community service, take anger management
classes *** and stay away from the Diablo hot sauce.
Wednesday, Apr 3
New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft has rejected a plea deal on charges of soliciting
prostitution, and he’s accusing the government of violating his Fourth Amendment rights. *** That
must be the right to the pursuit of happiness.
Tuesday, Apr 2
In a recent interview, Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover girl Chrissy Teigen said the 20 pounds she
gained after childbirth is her “new normal.” *** She also apologized and said the next time she’s on the
cover of SI it will probably require extra postage.
Monday, Apr 1
Actress Lori Loughlin, who is accused in the college admissions scam, was recently approached by
reporters as she left her yoga class. *** She told them she believes that yoga will provide her with the
flexibility, dexterity and agility to wiggle out of a conviction.
Friday, Mar 29
The spacewalk for a female astronaut aboard the International Space Station was cancelled because
her spacesuit did not fit properly. *** The blame is being placed on the mission commander, who was unable
to come up with a proper reply when asked, “Does this spacesuit make me look fat?”
Thursday, Mar 28
Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos is being widely criticized for slashing the Special Olympics
budget. *** She said the funds are being re-directed to a new competition for disadvantaged young adults with
Wednesday, Mar 27
According to CNN, Justin Bieber plans to address some emotional health issues and will temporarily
“step away from music.” *** Awwww, and he was so close.
Tuesday, Mar 26
Six states ordered a recall of avocados because of concerns that they were contaminated with
listeria. *** However, officials later apologized and said they didn’t realize that avocados are supposed to be
mushy, weird-looking and relatively tasteless.
Monday, Mar 25
Tiffany & Co. just released its quarterly financial results and said revenue was down significantly
because of slow Christmas gift sales. *** Gee, I always thought they made most of their money on
Friday, Mar 22
After Prince Charles had vacationed in Barbados, his lawyers complained about the paparazzi
invading his privacy and taking unflattering photos, such as shots of him in a swimsuit *** or with
Thursday, Mar 21
Because of an increased need to rescue poorly prepared hikers, the Italian villages of Cinque Terra
are now fining tourists for wearing flip-flops on area trails. *** Officials said people with ill-suited footwear
wasn’t a big problem until WalMart began offering bus tours.
Wednesday, Mar 20
In a CNN town hall, presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren said she wants to get rid of the Electoral
College. *** President Trump tweeted his disagreement and said, “Hey, just because they had that big
Tuesday, Mar 19
The recent college admissions scam involved several top schools, including Stanford, Yale and UCLA,
but there seems to be no evidence that it offered admissions to Harvard. *** This prompted Harvard’s
president to comment, “Hey, what are we – chopped liver?”
Monday, Mar 18
President Trump told Fox News to put Jeanine Pirro back on the air after she had been suspended for
her Islamophobic comments. *** A Fox executive immediately scolded the President, saying, “Hey, you can’t
tell us how to run our network…just because we tell you how to run your country.”
|High Impact Humor
|HIGH IMPACT HUMOR can add a
humorous introduction to your speech, use
humor to "punch up" a speech you've
already written, or write your entire speech.
Turnaround can be as quick as 24 hours.
operated by Bill Mihalic, a professional
comedy writer with a background in the
corporate offices of the Detroit auto industry.
Bill's material has frequently been used
by Jay Leno on the Tonight Show, Kevin
Ferguson's "Nightshift" TV show, Tom Ryan on
WOMC and the New York Times "Laugh
Lines." He has supplied humorous speeches for
featured speakers at Detroit area events as well
as comedy sketches and song parodies for
theaters in Branson, Missouri.
|Bill has been the Master of Ceremonies and
performed his stand-up comedy at numerous comedy
clubs, fundraisers and special events. His signature
humor is about the trials and tribulations of aging. Bill
can also mix his humor with a factual, anecdote-filled
presentation on "The Serious Business of Comedy."
(Click "Performing" to see video clips.)