Today's Dosage of Bill's Pills   (Updated each weekday)
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Friday, Sep 18

The famous white sand on the beaches of Sardinia is protected by law, and
a tourist was fined $1,200 for attempting to leave the Italian island with 4
pounds of that sand in his luggage.
 ***  Heck, after a day on the beach it
usually feels like I have more sand than that in my swim trunks (and man, does it
itch).



Thursday, Sep 17

This morning’s “Word of the Day” e-mailed from www.wordgenius.com is
“Buck-and-Wing,” which is “a lively solo tap dance, typically done in
wooden-soled shoes.”
 ***  Oh. I thought it was part of what William Shatner
shouted to a disbelieving flight attendant in an iconic episode of “The Twilight
Zone.”  


Wednesday, Sep 16

White Castle has just announced a new packaging design called the “Crave
Clutch” – a cardboard container that holds 20 sliders and 4 small fries, and
features colorful graphics, a sturdy carrying handle...***
…and a built-in
grease trap.


Tuesday, Sep 15

After apparently getting lost during the annual migration, a humpback
whale has become stranded in an alligator-infested river in Australia.
 ***   
The poor guy is now facing a tough choice: Stay in the river and get eaten by
alligators, or rejoin the pod and listen to endless reminders that he should have
stopped and asked for directions.


Monday, Sep 14

In Merrimack, New Hampshire, a 40-pound exotic pet cat that had been on
the run for two days was finally caught by being lured into a trap, although
details of the capture were not disclosed.  
***   Unconfirmed rumors indicate
the process involved a remote-control drone equipped with a really strong laser
pointer.


Friday, Sep 11

After a huge public outcry, Los Angeles authorities retracted a Covid-
driven ban on Halloween trick-or-treating but said the door-to-door
tradition is “not recommended.”
 ***  A City Hall spokesperson also assured
concerned citizens that they’ll still be allowed to dress up in silly costumes, just
like they do every day.


Thursday, Sep 10

A mentioned on Tuesday, Thai Airways has transformed its Bangkok
cafeteria into an airline-themed restaurant.
 ***   Update: For a small fee,
diners can now upgrade to the “Total” in-flight experience: While you try to eat, a
little kid will kick the back of your seat, a baby will cry with a wail that could
shatter glassware, and a complete stranger with body odor and bad breath will
sit in the seat next to you and chatter non-stop for the entire meal.


Wednesday, Sep 9

As many school districts start the new school year this week, students are
encountering a few changes.
  ***  For example, it is no longer necessary to
claim that your dog ate your homework, but only that someone sneezed on it.


Tuesday, Sep 8

Thai Airways has transformed its Bangkok cafeteria into an airline-themed
restaurant, with airplane seats, tables made from engine parts, and servers
dressed like flight attendants.
 ***   The waitstaff doesn’t sing, but if it’s a
special occasion they’ll gather in two groups and hum like jet engines.


Friday, Sep 4

In the past two months Taco Bell has dropped numerous items from its
menu.   ***  
 In fact, because of Covid concerns, whenever the order takers hear
a sneeze from back in food-prep, they need to find out what item is no longer
available.


Thursday, Sep 3

In Ashland City, Tennessee, Solomon--a 150 pound pet tortoise--was finally
found, 74 days after escaping from his owner’s home.
  ***   In an emotional
reunion, the grateful owner said there’s no telling how far Solomon might have
gone if he had made it all the way to the sidewalk.


Wednesday, Sep 2

McDonalds is introducing Spicy Chicken McNuggets, the first new flavor in
40 years.  
 ***    Market conditions are finally right for success: People are now
satisfied with anything that doesn’t taste like the inside of a face mask.


Tuesday, Sep 1

Officials at the University of Pennsylvania have rejected a request by six
professors in its business school to investigate the circumstances
surrounding the 1966 acceptance of Donald Trump.  
***  A university
spokesperson said Penn has never shown favoritism to wealthy families; even if
they’ve made large donations or funded a new building on campus, they still have
to bribe the admissions office just like anyone else.


Monday, Aug 31

In Covington, Georgia, the mansion that was used in the 1939 filming of
“Gone with the Wind” is now a bed and breakfast.
 ***   The owners claim
that one window has had no covering ever since the draperies were re-purposed
by “Scarlett,” although they were at a loss to explain a later disappearance of the
drapery rod itself.


Friday, Aug 28

Microsoft and Walmart are partnering to buy the popular networking
platform Tik Tok.
  ***    In anticipation of a successful bid, Walmart is already
designing its latest footwear fashion—the Tik Tok Flip Flop, and Microsoft has
begun designing help desks for Aisle 3.


Thursday, Aug 27

Although Melania Trump’s speech at the Republican Convention was
generally felt to be well delivered, some people were very critical regarding
the military-looking outfit that she wore.
 ***  They pointed out that it took  
TWO belt buckles to cinch her waist that tight.


Wednesday, Aug 26

A federal appeals court has upheld a New York limit of 50 people at
weddings.   ***
 That’s raising big concerns in other areas of the country, where
some grooms wouldn’t even be able to invite all their wives.  


Tuesday, Aug 25

Lori Loughlin was fined $150,000 and sentenced to 2 months in prison—
and her husband was fined $250,000 and sentenced to 5 months in prison—
after being found guilty of paying bribes of $500,000 just to get their two
daughters into USC.
   ***  On the other hand, when you consider the lawyers’
fees, they paid even more money just to get themselves into jail.


Monday, Aug 24

A recent on-line article focused on the “cult-like” following that Hagoromo
Fulltouch Chalk has among mathematicians because of its smooth writing
feel, resistance to breakage, and low dust emissions.
  ***   That’s nice, but
at about $20 a box, I’ll wait until it includes Spellcheck.


Friday, Aug 21

Taco Bell announced that future restaurants will have smaller dining areas,
but will feature a second drive-thru lane dedicated to pick-up orders made
on its "Go Mobile" app.
 ***  And, in response to numerous calls regarding
potential employment, the company confirmed that it will hold a job fair early next
year, and it will be within convenient walking distance of the South Lawn.


Thursday, Aug 20

After numerous driver reports of the 2020 Corvette’s front hood flying
open, General Motors has halted deliveries of the new model until a fix can
be implemented.  Electronic engineers plan to re-program the button-
actuated hood release and also limit vehicle speed to 26 mph if the hood is
not completely latched.
 ***  The mechanical engineers, however, are still
pushing for a heavier hood ornament.


Wednesday, Aug 19

According to “Good Morning America,” the “Golden Girls” house in
Brentwood, California that was used for the TV show’s exterior shots has
been purchased for $4 million ($1 million over the asking price) by “a local
family who specifically loved its architecture and location.”  *
**  And the
amazing high tech lighting system that can be turned on or off just by clapping
your hands twice.


Tuesday, Aug 18

Claiming that tourists have gotten heavier over the past ten years, the
Venice Gondola Association has lowered the maximum capacity from six
passengers to five.
  ***  Also, couples will no longer be allowed to stand up
and re-enact Kate and Leo’s bow pose from “Titanic.”


Monday, Aug 17

To minimize the spread of Covid-19, Canada has extended the ban on
tourists from the United States through late September, and a recent
survey showed that 80% of Canadians actually want American visitors kept
out until 2021.
 *** That’s up from 75% just one year ago.
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TM
Bill has been the Master of Ceremonies and
performed his stand-up comedy at numerous comedy
clubs, fundraisers and special events.  His signature
humor is about the trials and tribulations of aging. Bill
can also mix his humor with a factual, anecdote-filled
presentation on "The Serious Business of Comedy."  
(Click "Performing" to see video clips.)